My own

There is something amazing about having nieces and nephews!  Just when you thought you couldn't love anything more they show up and in an instant you are overwhelmed with so much love, compassion, playfulness, and happiness that you can hardly remember the other emotions you previously carried like heavy pathetic bags of rocks.  I feel as though all the world has disappeared and the most important thing I can do, the only purpose I have in life, is to put that child in a complete state of bliss.  The best part is how simple it is to send a child into random fits of laughter and giggles!  Its amazing how your ears perk up to their voices, giggles and cries, how you can pick their sounds out from millions of little kids anywhere in the room and when you hear them laughing and playing and you know they are perfectly happy, it's an instant lift of the heart!  Those are the days I look forward to!

Five

     Recently I started reading this book entitled Five, by Dan Zadra (you can find it at http://www.live-inspired.com/).  It is an inspirational book about what you can accomplish in five years.  So I decided to come up with some lists of “things” I would like to do, see, accomplish, etc. in the next five years.  I hope you enjoy them and maybe find a little inspiration yourself!  When I look back from the next five years I want to be able to say that I stayed healthy and active, lived creatively, loved passionately, played often, and enjoyed living, etc.!  Please keep in mind that this is still a work in progress list and I would love your ideas, suggestions and feedback!

List of Adventures I want to have within the next five years:

1. Learn to drive shift stick cars!
2. Explore the Amazon.
3. Take a road trip with my Cousins, Meagan Brown, Michelle Brown, Sarah Traylor, Rachel Traylor, Leanne Shaluly, Nina Shaluly, and Salwa Shaluly.
4. Take several trips to North Carolina for a weekend adventure with Aunt Rosemary.
5. Explore Florida’s vastness.
6. Go Camping at least 10 times!
7. Learn to Surf.
8. Learn to Cayak.
9. Visit Angkor Wat with close friends.
10. Play on the playground more often.
11. Take a new route every week for a whole year (or what adds up to a year in five).
12. Live away from home.  Dun dun duhhh
13. Visit Jeff Gibbons and Hannah Hudson in Texas.
14. Create adventures to do with my two beautiful Nieces and watch them grow!
15. Take a cruise with my sister, Meara Trine.

List of Accomplishments I want to achieve within the next five years:

1. Record my own music CD (and to make it an adventure and add to above, give this one a twist and record with Manny Penton and Daniel Kurant).
2. Create at least two good films.
3. Finish my website (to a point where it is not embarrassing anymore).
4. Exhibit in 20 different art shows (this obviously requires me to get art done).
5. Become financially stable and knowledgeable.
6. Perfect my Spanish and French.
7. Pick a career that I will truly love and blossom in!
8. Go back to school for Fine Arts/Art Therapy.
9. Volunteer regularly and continue to support various charities.
10. Motivate, inspire, and empower young females.

My Sito

Last week was my Grandmothers birthday.  She is no longer with us but I decided to celebrate her day anyways because she has had such a great impact on me and my various life styles.  Growing up, I only saw one or two sides of my Sito (the arabic way of saying grandma).  She was a fun loving, beautiful person who was always laughing, and making me smile with great joy.  However she had many difficulties.  I am not sure at what age she was diagnosed with diabetes but since I could remember she was always digging through her medicine bag, pulling out a tiny bottle of clear fluids and syringe and having to stick herself with a needle at least twice a day.  I remember watching with great intensity as she went through the process of filling the syringe with the fluid, tapping her skin, and pricking.  My grandmother was a classic blonde haired blue eyed beauty in her younger years, but lost all control of her weight after giving birth to her four children, my dad, two uncles and wonderful Aunt, her one daughter.  In our eyes, her hair was grey, her eyes faded, and her body inable to run and play, but in our hearts she was also the most lovable, kind, loud, funny, and playful grandmother.  She had a heart of Gold!  I know that deep down, she must have been an awful lot like me in her younger years, with a mind constantly on a wild adventourous journey, a naive and kind temperment, and dreams that rose high above everyone elses.  I wish I knew her millions of tales, and I wish more than anything to go back in time and ask her for her story.  You know, the one everyone has, that one story that sums up your life in a dramatic, at times tragic, and completely beautiful way, detailing the highlights and skimming the simple, mundane and everyday.  Anyways, as I celebrated my Sito last week I made a vow to honor her with my life.  I want to do great things that she dreamed of.  So I am on a journey, delving into the depths of my mind, soul, and heart to discover what dreams I will bring to life for the beautiful woman who set my world into motion long before I ever existed!

Girl’s Night Out…or in rather

Buenos Aires is just as I left it; the weather, absolutely beautiful; the breeze, comfortably chilly; and the sun, burning hot. I already have a sun tan from taking a few strolls outside to the park and the market. When I got here it was raining but today is flawless, brilliant with color and life. Magnificent shades of greens and coral pinks surround me, while the mouth watering scent of food fills the air and teases my nose. My cousin is cooking. Preparing the meat with eggs, potatoes and other delicious flavors all mixed together for stuffing the “masa,” to complete the empanadas. I’m sitting with the youngsters chatting away and listening to random songs from my iPhone. Veronica is painting my Aunt’s nails purple with flowers. She already painted mine bright pink and it’s a girl’s house today. No boys allowed today a continuation of the girl’s night out we all shared last night. Nine of us spent the night together. Sprawled out wherever there was space and cushion to sleep! We had a blast, playing cards, sipping mate that we passed around the table, and nibbling on leftovers. Harmless gossips and laughter filled the air till late in the evening! The morning seems peaceful and calm and the conversations carry on as though they never ended. It’s a beautiful day!

My Inner Imaginings

Something I realized recently, I don’t talk much about my deepest inner self to any one person in particular, yet I tend to write from deep within about myself to the world on a daily basis, although, even then it is fairly incomplete and veiled.  I conceal my personal, weighty emotions and most protected thoughts and keep them under wraps as if it were necessary for my whole world to be clenched tightly between the two valves of my ever beating heart!  When I speak, I sound so superficial, talking about such mundane and unimportant things like lip-gloss and the bores of my daily motions.  In my mind, I share myself however; I attempt to communicate my heart to the world in a more universal way, without verbal language, in the hopes and belief that maybe, just maybe, there truly is a universal language spoken silently, that I somehow imagine the whole world can hear, though in reality I know most cannot.  I imagine that when I come into contact with others, I automatically connect with them, listening to their inner self’s manifestations and I express my love and emotions silently, as though my eyes could give away my whole life story, if only they were listening. 

Once I realized all this I decided it was time to make a few adjustments.  Although I know imagination is beautiful, necessary and extremely powerful, and I will continue to believe, know, that I can connect with another without words and even send messages to their inner selves, I also know it is important to express my true and most profound self to those around me loudly, verbally, and completely.  This will be one of my many new goals to start off my month of March. 

My Journey begins

Today I leave for Miami.  I look forward to spending the weekend with my friends and celebrating in the love between two people.  It is a formal affair in my mind.  A moment where I must be on my best behaviour and put my heart to my sleeve.  From Miami, though, I am going to Argentina, where family awaits me.  Buenos Aires is always an adventure and always booming with life and activity, but what I really look forward to is Catamarca.  Going to Catamarca is like going to another world.  It is as if time and space are operating at a different pace.  There the world rotates on an entirely different level.  It is slow, calm and peaceful.  The earth is wild and the air is filled with it's distinct smell.  Family is important, close, interactive.  Everything is one, connected in some beautiful, awe inspiring way.  The animals roam free and instinctively come home.  They are loving, protective, and cautious.  The warmth engulfs you, and the breeze kisses your skin with its sweet sighs and quiet caresses.  The river is a calm, cool, sparkling beacon that calls softly to every creature within its wide distance.  I long to be there already.  To sit by the babbling stream of water at its edge and take it all in.  To feel the heat fill my body with warm tenderness.  To watch the magnificent horses with all their colors and strength, dip their heads for a sip and stride, proudly on.  There are cows, sheep, and pigs too.  Everything seems to roam so freely so wild and alive.  There is nothing to do but relax, connect, and energize!  Going to Catamarca is like coming up from the deep ocean with all its dangerous pressures and taking in a deep, long awaited, gasp of fresh air.  My heart is there already!

Valentine

The world is wonderful and beautiful and I am enjoying the moment.  What a gorgeous day it is!  The sky is blue with perfectly formed and brilliantly white clouds, floating like bubbles over water, on a vast and limitless canvas of soft blue.  It is bright and breezy and fresh to the senses!  My world is intensly colorful on this day and I am feeling the vibrant shades soak into my skin like fresh blood on white linens, staining my soul with undeniable vigor and energy.   I can still feel the love of Valentines Day lingering in the fresh air and seeping to the marrow of my bones.  I am working diligently on my project to spread the love via handmade cards.  I have already handed out several with great responses!  These have mostly been to those I know and trust however.  Next step: strangers.  I have about a week left before I am in Argentina and I can't wait to be in Argentina!  I can't wait to see my family, to be able to sit back with nothing due, nothing required or expected of me, and the freedom to do absolutely whatever it is I feel like doing.  My plan is to catch up on my reading, work on some of my website and scout the lands with my adventurous cousins.  I am bringing two books with me; Three Cups of Tea and I have yet to choose the second one but I look forward to sitting under the big tree in my Aunts yard, chickens and dogs scurrying, breeze blowing, children squeeling, and me calm and comfortable with a cup of tea and my book, warmed by the sun, heat and dust.

Black Eyed Peas Tampa Concert

So I have been slacking on my posts...I missed two days!  Tuesday I was sick with a fever and headaches so I guess it counted as a good excuse but yesterday...not so much.  I went to the Black Eyed Peas concert, which was amazing and inspiring and fun!  I expected it to be a fun experience and even anticipated the amazing costumes, beautiful choreography, and obviously fantastic music, but what I wasn't expecting was the overwhelming sense of love that came out of the experience.  I left there feeling united and connected with every one of the fans sharing in the experience last night and I not only enjoyed the concert artists but also the beauty of the fans I shared it with.  The BEPs had a beautiful moment where they turned off all the lights and had everyone waving their arms, lighters, cell phones, and other lightup devices.  Looking into the crowd reminded me of laying on the grass and watching the stars at night.  It was like staring into the galaxy.  I can only imagine the sensations that caused the artists themselves knowing that these fans create such beauty and demonstrate so much love just for them!  They expressed their deepest gratitude to all of us in the audience and you could personally feel the sincerity!  They had the whole crowd singing Where is the Love and even when they stopped and walked off the stage the crowd did not stop and the galaxy kept its beautiful song and swaying motions going...it was fantastic, powerful and deeply moving!  I loved it!

A Dream or a Mania?

My mind is as if in a dream.  I float from thought to thought and each merges into the next and I find myself in a million places at once.  My heart beats in rhythm with my merging visions and I am haunted by the overwhelming number of unaccomplished endeavors and aspirations whipping around in my head, its dizzying sounds and constant varying speeds throwing me out of my comfortable peace and in and out of realities. 

Vilem's Shoes

There is something strangely captivating about a pair of worn out shoes.  They speak to you like looking into someone's eyes and reading their soul.  They tell you so much about the man who wears them.  This pair was particularly beautiful to me.  The precise, yet frayed and worn, unraveling, stitches, the simple round shape, and even the fading and washed shade of unique blue, truly caught my eye and screamed for my attention.  Vilem is just as unique, as his fantastic shoes, and although you can learn about his character from his shoes, there is still a great amount of mystery to both.  They are perfectly beautiful in all their flaws and yet you can't help but wonder where they have been, what they have seen, how many experiences they have been through.  All this crossed my mind in an instant...all because of a pair of perfectly worn shoes!

My Muse

Today was beautiful!  I woke up completely energized and went to the gym and then straight to Tampa, where I was meeting my favorite artist, Michael Massaro and others for lunch.  I ran into Jim Lennon, a fantastic photographer, who gave me great words of wisdom.  He was basically talking about living in the present, which is something I have been working on.  He reminded me that it is important to not over react.  When you feel a bit of jealousy, he said, remind yourself that that comes from the fact that you love and care about the person you are jealous over and that is that.  Do not allow yourself to throw assumptions beyond that.  Once you have reminded yourself of this, tell yourself to stay in the moment, don't assume a future or past that may or may not happen.  Never react on something you have not seen occur and that you are potentially "making up".  This only leads to problems.  You end up hurting rather than helping the situation.  Instead remember that you care about this person and therefore want to continue to care about this person.  You want to make the most out of the time shared with this person and have that time filled with the best possible moments of love, laughter and overall goodness.   You want your life to be beautifully impacted.  These were Jim Lennon's great words of advise, paraphrased of course. 

Jim was in Susan's office at UT, which is just off to the side of the art Gallery.  I noticed as I walked towards her office, the numerous wonderful photos of her different dance students frozen in time during a moment of perfect performances.  It was inspiring and brought a wave of regret that I never took a dance class.  I am sure I would have loved it!  Susan also teaches the worlds greatest story telling class!  The two of them are such a great inspiration!

The Unversity of Tampa Scarfone/Hartley Gallery had a magnificent display of artwork and I was thrilled to find it open on a Saturday.  The pieces, hung perfectly on the wall, were such an inspiration to me that I immediately felt compelled to spit out works of art in any form.  Then I went to the AMORC Lodge and enjoyed a time in the magnificently harmonious and peaceful temple, where I met up with some great friends, who also led me to ponder my eagerness to harness my talents and create!  I want to write a song.  I want to write a piano piece and sing in accompaniment!  I want to paint.  I want to watercolor paint.  I want to start my several sculpture projects!  I want to have enough work to submit into shows.  I want to get into Galleries!!!

Not Much of A Post

So happy it's Friday so I can sleep in a little tomorrow!  Sleep is pulling at my eyes and hazing my mind.  I want to write a song!  I want to sing and create and explore.  But my energy is not enough.  It will have to wait for tomorrow!  Good Night All

On all Fours

I'm in a poetic mood.  My mind is wandering and searching deep into my memories.  I am still focused on the idea of exploring my childhood.  After all, it is the basis of all of my artwork up to this point and it is where I still wish to put that focus.  I remember the constant exploring, the great pleasure of finding natures beautiful treasures such as the tiny jumping frogs that were more the size of an ant than a frog, or the raspberries growing naturally underneath the oak trees in our backyard.  Watching mother natures creatures interacting was absolutely fascinating.  I was awe struck by the lizard who waited just the right amount of time before lunging with all its force and body to catch the spider that would be its meal. I lived in my own fairytale world.  The earth was mine and I was hers.  Every event of nature was made just so I could take notice.  The smells captivated me!  The music she created enveloped me and serenaded my soul!  I was enchanted by Mother Nature.  So along with my other February projects, I am adding one more.  Explore my world by getting up close and personal with Mother Nature, utilizing hands and knees if necessary!

Art Frenzy

Took this quote from somewhere and kinda fell in love with it, or at least with the essence of it...

“Anybody can look at a pretty girl and see a pretty girl. An artist can look at a pretty girl and see the old woman she will become. A better artist can look at an old woman and see the pretty girl that she used to be. But a great artist - a master - and that is what Auguste Rodin was - can look at an old woman, portray her exactly as she is… and force the viewer to see the pretty girl she used to be… and more than that, he can make anyone with the sensitivity of an armadillo, or even you, see that this lovely young girl is still alive, not old and ugly at all, but simply imprisoned inside her ruined body. He can make you feel the quiet, endless tragedy that there was never a girl born who ever grew older than eighteen in her heart… no matter what the merciless hours have done to her.”

—	Robert A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land

Reconnect to Earth

Earlier today I read this article that was meant just for women, and I found it completely embarrassing, disgusting even, at first. But for whatever reason I kept reading it. It captured me and my attention and I began to associate myself with what was being expressed by these words and I felt a deep sense of empowerment from it. Between this article and the movie Avatar, I feel I have found my link with Mother Nature again. I feel a total reconnection with the earth, the trees, and especially the moon. Tonight, I feel as though the moon is shining just for me. It reminds me of my younger years.

I used to be in a constant state of intense connection with the earth and nature around me. I would walk outside, take in a deep, fresh breath of air and smile because I knew that even in that little action I was taking in a part of mother nature and she was nurturing me. I loved her! I talked to her and imagined that with every sway of the trees she was talking back to me, with every whip of the wind she was caressing me, with every ray of the sun beating heat down onto my back she was warming me with her tender love, and with every greeting of her creatures she was sharing some sacred secret with me alone. I felt special outside. Even now I always feel most alive, comfortable and safe outside.

As I child, I was especially attracted to the moon. I was and always have been a night owl of sorts. My most creative moments come to me at night. I was a very reflective child and I had special sacred spaces in my yard outside. In the daytime there were three specific trees for different purposes.

At night I would crawl into this dip in our lawn that was overgrown with grass and unnoticeable to most but was just small enough to fit my body into it like a bean bag chair. I would lay there and take in the moist night air, sifting my fingers through the deep green grass, staring at the moon. She was so beautiful and bright and perfect! I remember the coolness of the grass between my fingertips and toes. I remember the beautiful colors that seemed to radiate out from and rim the moon, and I remember the stars and galaxies that fascinated me to no end!

This brings me to my conclusion for the night...why do we rationalize everything all the time? Why not allow our inner child to come out and play, explore, and simply be. I am going to make a conscious effort to learn from my childhood and see things from that perspective once again. I could go on and on about this topic...a book I read...a quote...etc. but these can wait maybe for tomorrow because, now, I am going to sleep! Good night all...

Spreading the Love

So it’s February 1st and I have decided to make monthly resolutions rather than just yearly, this way I will renew my fervent and adament emotions to my resolutions made at the beginning of the year and truly be able to re-evaluate their importance in my life up to this point. I think it’s a great idea! So for February this is my list of resolutions/projects:

Project 1) Blog at least 5 times a week. It can be about anything really but mainly I think I want to focus on the little things that I notice throughout my day that I find absoultely beautiful! (I wish I had a photo of Vilem’s shoes from this weekend! They were so perfect…)

Project 2) As part of this I am also creating a new blog called My Dusty Box of Memories. This blog will be a 1 year project and I will try to blog on it once a day. Each day I will delve into my photos from the past and post a favorite or one that strikes me to blog about. Watch it all unfold!!!

Project 3) Finish my website layout by the end of this month.

Project 4) Save my money to buy myself Reason 4 and Final Cut Pro. so I can get creative with my media.

Resolutions (this list is a little longer, these are my three big ones):

Take time for me. This resolution carries over from January. This means I have to think about me and what I want and need, including my health. So, my first goal under this category was to lose weight and get healthy physically. I have been doing extremely well in this area! I am eating healthy, drinking more water, and constantly being conscientious of what’s going into my body. I have a 6 days a week workout schedule that includes cardio, core, and strength training as well as stretch and yoga. I am seriously taking care of my hygiene and making sure that I follow a strict skin care regime. Finally I am taking time to go into my sanctum (my sacred space at home) and meditate and reflect and just simply be with myself. Listening to yourself is very important and often times you have so much going on that you don’t actually stop to do that. So far I have lost 10 pounds, started a journal (that is very colorful and full of random odds and in’s that I have found), and I have noticed an obvious change in my skin, especially my face, which has cleared up and softened.

Live in the moment. I am a dreamer, a big dreamer. Over the years I have found that for one reason or another I lost the concept of paying attention. So this resolution is about staying present and truly listening to others. It happens to everyone, your friend is telling you about some event she just encountered and she mentions that she had just dropped off the laundry at the mat on her way to X location and she continues, but your mind stops there because suddenly you remember you needed to drop off your laundry from two days ago and if you don’t do it now…and you are now off in your own world imagining the millions of possibilities. This is me all the time. My mind waunders aimlessly half in daydream mode at all times! Thats bad! I don’t even pay attention in the shower! I used to have a life coach, she was great! She told me to start in the shower; feel the water, smell the soap, feel your fingertips in your hair, etc. Don’t think about anything outside of the present. I am focusing more on the present when it matters though. When I am with others if I allow my mind to waunder without realizing it, I am forcing myself to take the embarrassement and appologize, tell them my mind waundered, I missed what was said, and please repeat. It’s working so far…any suggestions?

And last but not least…Don’t worry be happy. I want to constantly express love and happiness. To jump for joy when I feel like jumping and to throw my arms up and spin when the wind calls me to. I want to be a spreader of light always…