Monday, March 29, 2010

My Sito

Last week was my Grandmothers birthday.  She is no longer with us but I decided to celebrate her day anyways because she has had such a great impact on me and my various life styles.  Growing up, I only saw one or two sides of my Sito (the arabic way of saying grandma).  She was a fun loving, beautiful person who was always laughing, and making me smile with great joy.  However she had many difficulties.  I am not sure at what age she was diagnosed with diabetes but since I could remember she was always digging through her medicine bag, pulling out a tiny bottle of clear fluids and syringe and having to stick herself with a needle at least twice a day.  I remember watching with great intensity as she went through the process of filling the syringe with the fluid, tapping her skin, and pricking.  My grandmother was a classic blonde haired blue eyed beauty in her younger years, but lost all control of her weight after giving birth to her four children, my dad, two uncles and wonderful Aunt, her one daughter.  In our eyes, her hair was grey, her eyes faded, and her body inable to run and play, but in our hearts she was also the most lovable, kind, loud, funny, and playful grandmother.  She had a heart of Gold!  I know that deep down, she must have been an awful lot like me in her younger years, with a mind constantly on a wild adventourous journey, a naive and kind temperment, and dreams that rose high above everyone elses.  I wish I knew her millions of tales, and I wish more than anything to go back in time and ask her for her story.  You know, the one everyone has, that one story that sums up your life in a dramatic, at times tragic, and completely beautiful way, detailing the highlights and skimming the simple, mundane and everyday.  Anyways, as I celebrated my Sito last week I made a vow to honor her with my life.  I want to do great things that she dreamed of.  So I am on a journey, delving into the depths of my mind, soul, and heart to discover what dreams I will bring to life for the beautiful woman who set my world into motion long before I ever existed!

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Girl’s Night Out…or in rather

Buenos Aires is just as I left it; the weather, absolutely beautiful; the breeze, comfortably chilly; and the sun, burning hot. I already have a sun tan from taking a few strolls outside to the park and the market. When I got here it was raining but today is flawless, brilliant with color and life. Magnificent shades of greens and coral pinks surround me, while the mouth watering scent of food fills the air and teases my nose. My cousin is cooking. Preparing the meat with eggs, potatoes and other delicious flavors all mixed together for stuffing the “masa,” to complete the empanadas. I’m sitting with the youngsters chatting away and listening to random songs from my iPhone. Veronica is painting my Aunt’s nails purple with flowers. She already painted mine bright pink and it’s a girl’s house today. No boys allowed today a continuation of the girl’s night out we all shared last night. Nine of us spent the night together. Sprawled out wherever there was space and cushion to sleep! We had a blast, playing cards, sipping mate that we passed around the table, and nibbling on leftovers. Harmless gossips and laughter filled the air till late in the evening! The morning seems peaceful and calm and the conversations carry on as though they never ended. It’s a beautiful day!

My Inner Imaginings

Something I realized recently, I don’t talk much about my deepest inner self to any one person in particular, yet I tend to write from deep within about myself to the world on a daily basis, although, even then it is fairly incomplete and veiled.  I conceal my personal, weighty emotions and most protected thoughts and keep them under wraps as if it were necessary for my whole world to be clenched tightly between the two valves of my ever beating heart!  When I speak, I sound so superficial, talking about such mundane and unimportant things like lip-gloss and the bores of my daily motions.  In my mind, I share myself however; I attempt to communicate my heart to the world in a more universal way, without verbal language, in the hopes and belief that maybe, just maybe, there truly is a universal language spoken silently, that I somehow imagine the whole world can hear, though in reality I know most cannot.  I imagine that when I come into contact with others, I automatically connect with them, listening to their inner self’s manifestations and I express my love and emotions silently, as though my eyes could give away my whole life story, if only they were listening. 

Once I realized all this I decided it was time to make a few adjustments.  Although I know imagination is beautiful, necessary and extremely powerful, and I will continue to believe, know, that I can connect with another without words and even send messages to their inner selves, I also know it is important to express my true and most profound self to those around me loudly, verbally, and completely.  This will be one of my many new goals to start off my month of March.