Friday, October 16, 2009

A Fool's Promise

It's always nice to make a fool out of yourself every once in a while. It makes you realize that you are constantly deceiving yourself. A good friend of mine and Frater of AMORC, Dr. Lonnie Edwards said something this past weekend that I really needed to hear, and that has been on my mind since. He said, "never ever rest on your goodness, always strive to be better!" I think too often we pretend things are fine, and we convince ourselves that we are in a state of good. I feel I have reached a milestone in my behavior, etc.; I have overcome whatever obstacles, and I think I can be proud of myself, and then... I spill ice cream all over my pants and realize I still have room to improve.

It's also nice to laugh at yourself every once in a while! Just think about it! How often do you guzzle up a hearty and heavy laugh with yourself? Why shouldn't we smile and love and take delight in our innocent foolishness? I should be the first person to make myself happy! I was watching that movie, the Women last night and Bette Midler says something along the lines of "be selfish!...forget everybody else's wants and needs and figure out what you want!" So Meg Ryan goes off and starts trying to figure out what she wants and ends up being this great designer in the end. (I love that movie!!!) So what do I want? A girl-friend of mine made a great remark the other day. She said, "I always made it a point to keep my promises and I thought I was doing such a great job at it, until one day someone pointed out that I never kept my promises to myself!" This was another awakening statement. I started thinking about all the little promises I constantly break to myself, such as "I will ride my bike tomorrow morning" or "I will finish that painting tonight!" Then I thought about the big promises!

I will go to Grad School
I will move on and out
I will Start my own Company
I will finish my sculpture by the end of this year
I will finish my website by the end of this month
I will figure out what I want

The list goes on and on. I am avoiding making myself happy. Why do we do that? One of my best guy friends keeps throwing little subtleties at me about this. He gets frustrated when I complain about the things that I can "easily" change. The problem is it's somehow not so easy. Or we convince ourselves that it's not, so much that what could potentially be a small obstacle turns into a giant mountain of a wall to climb. So I have decided to keep one promise to myself on my upcoming trip. I am going to write down as many promises I have broken to myself as I can and reevaluate them. Then I am going to start a list of things that I want. Where do I want to be in 5 years. What do I want to accomplish. What do I want to say to that certain someone. That's my promise. Hopefully it will get me going!!! Wish me luck!

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