My Muse

Today was beautiful!  I woke up completely energized and went to the gym and then straight to Tampa, where I was meeting my favorite artist, Michael Massaro and others for lunch.  I ran into Jim Lennon, a fantastic photographer, who gave me great words of wisdom.  He was basically talking about living in the present, which is something I have been working on.  He reminded me that it is important to not over react.  When you feel a bit of jealousy, he said, remind yourself that that comes from the fact that you love and care about the person you are jealous over and that is that.  Do not allow yourself to throw assumptions beyond that.  Once you have reminded yourself of this, tell yourself to stay in the moment, don't assume a future or past that may or may not happen.  Never react on something you have not seen occur and that you are potentially "making up".  This only leads to problems.  You end up hurting rather than helping the situation.  Instead remember that you care about this person and therefore want to continue to care about this person.  You want to make the most out of the time shared with this person and have that time filled with the best possible moments of love, laughter and overall goodness.   You want your life to be beautifully impacted.  These were Jim Lennon's great words of advise, paraphrased of course. 

Jim was in Susan's office at UT, which is just off to the side of the art Gallery.  I noticed as I walked towards her office, the numerous wonderful photos of her different dance students frozen in time during a moment of perfect performances.  It was inspiring and brought a wave of regret that I never took a dance class.  I am sure I would have loved it!  Susan also teaches the worlds greatest story telling class!  The two of them are such a great inspiration!

The Unversity of Tampa Scarfone/Hartley Gallery had a magnificent display of artwork and I was thrilled to find it open on a Saturday.  The pieces, hung perfectly on the wall, were such an inspiration to me that I immediately felt compelled to spit out works of art in any form.  Then I went to the AMORC Lodge and enjoyed a time in the magnificently harmonious and peaceful temple, where I met up with some great friends, who also led me to ponder my eagerness to harness my talents and create!  I want to write a song.  I want to write a piano piece and sing in accompaniment!  I want to paint.  I want to watercolor paint.  I want to start my several sculpture projects!  I want to have enough work to submit into shows.  I want to get into Galleries!!!

Not Much of A Post

So happy it's Friday so I can sleep in a little tomorrow!  Sleep is pulling at my eyes and hazing my mind.  I want to write a song!  I want to sing and create and explore.  But my energy is not enough.  It will have to wait for tomorrow!  Good Night All

On all Fours

I'm in a poetic mood.  My mind is wandering and searching deep into my memories.  I am still focused on the idea of exploring my childhood.  After all, it is the basis of all of my artwork up to this point and it is where I still wish to put that focus.  I remember the constant exploring, the great pleasure of finding natures beautiful treasures such as the tiny jumping frogs that were more the size of an ant than a frog, or the raspberries growing naturally underneath the oak trees in our backyard.  Watching mother natures creatures interacting was absolutely fascinating.  I was awe struck by the lizard who waited just the right amount of time before lunging with all its force and body to catch the spider that would be its meal. I lived in my own fairytale world.  The earth was mine and I was hers.  Every event of nature was made just so I could take notice.  The smells captivated me!  The music she created enveloped me and serenaded my soul!  I was enchanted by Mother Nature.  So along with my other February projects, I am adding one more.  Explore my world by getting up close and personal with Mother Nature, utilizing hands and knees if necessary!

Art Frenzy

Took this quote from somewhere and kinda fell in love with it, or at least with the essence of it...

“Anybody can look at a pretty girl and see a pretty girl. An artist can look at a pretty girl and see the old woman she will become. A better artist can look at an old woman and see the pretty girl that she used to be. But a great artist - a master - and that is what Auguste Rodin was - can look at an old woman, portray her exactly as she is… and force the viewer to see the pretty girl she used to be… and more than that, he can make anyone with the sensitivity of an armadillo, or even you, see that this lovely young girl is still alive, not old and ugly at all, but simply imprisoned inside her ruined body. He can make you feel the quiet, endless tragedy that there was never a girl born who ever grew older than eighteen in her heart… no matter what the merciless hours have done to her.”

—	Robert A. Heinlein, Stranger in a Strange Land

Reconnect to Earth

Earlier today I read this article that was meant just for women, and I found it completely embarrassing, disgusting even, at first. But for whatever reason I kept reading it. It captured me and my attention and I began to associate myself with what was being expressed by these words and I felt a deep sense of empowerment from it. Between this article and the movie Avatar, I feel I have found my link with Mother Nature again. I feel a total reconnection with the earth, the trees, and especially the moon. Tonight, I feel as though the moon is shining just for me. It reminds me of my younger years.

I used to be in a constant state of intense connection with the earth and nature around me. I would walk outside, take in a deep, fresh breath of air and smile because I knew that even in that little action I was taking in a part of mother nature and she was nurturing me. I loved her! I talked to her and imagined that with every sway of the trees she was talking back to me, with every whip of the wind she was caressing me, with every ray of the sun beating heat down onto my back she was warming me with her tender love, and with every greeting of her creatures she was sharing some sacred secret with me alone. I felt special outside. Even now I always feel most alive, comfortable and safe outside.

As I child, I was especially attracted to the moon. I was and always have been a night owl of sorts. My most creative moments come to me at night. I was a very reflective child and I had special sacred spaces in my yard outside. In the daytime there were three specific trees for different purposes.

At night I would crawl into this dip in our lawn that was overgrown with grass and unnoticeable to most but was just small enough to fit my body into it like a bean bag chair. I would lay there and take in the moist night air, sifting my fingers through the deep green grass, staring at the moon. She was so beautiful and bright and perfect! I remember the coolness of the grass between my fingertips and toes. I remember the beautiful colors that seemed to radiate out from and rim the moon, and I remember the stars and galaxies that fascinated me to no end!

This brings me to my conclusion for the night...why do we rationalize everything all the time? Why not allow our inner child to come out and play, explore, and simply be. I am going to make a conscious effort to learn from my childhood and see things from that perspective once again. I could go on and on about this topic...a book I read...a quote...etc. but these can wait maybe for tomorrow because, now, I am going to sleep! Good night all...

Spreading the Love

So it’s February 1st and I have decided to make monthly resolutions rather than just yearly, this way I will renew my fervent and adament emotions to my resolutions made at the beginning of the year and truly be able to re-evaluate their importance in my life up to this point. I think it’s a great idea! So for February this is my list of resolutions/projects:

Project 1) Blog at least 5 times a week. It can be about anything really but mainly I think I want to focus on the little things that I notice throughout my day that I find absoultely beautiful! (I wish I had a photo of Vilem’s shoes from this weekend! They were so perfect…)

Project 2) As part of this I am also creating a new blog called My Dusty Box of Memories. This blog will be a 1 year project and I will try to blog on it once a day. Each day I will delve into my photos from the past and post a favorite or one that strikes me to blog about. Watch it all unfold!!!

Project 3) Finish my website layout by the end of this month.

Project 4) Save my money to buy myself Reason 4 and Final Cut Pro. so I can get creative with my media.

Resolutions (this list is a little longer, these are my three big ones):

Take time for me. This resolution carries over from January. This means I have to think about me and what I want and need, including my health. So, my first goal under this category was to lose weight and get healthy physically. I have been doing extremely well in this area! I am eating healthy, drinking more water, and constantly being conscientious of what’s going into my body. I have a 6 days a week workout schedule that includes cardio, core, and strength training as well as stretch and yoga. I am seriously taking care of my hygiene and making sure that I follow a strict skin care regime. Finally I am taking time to go into my sanctum (my sacred space at home) and meditate and reflect and just simply be with myself. Listening to yourself is very important and often times you have so much going on that you don’t actually stop to do that. So far I have lost 10 pounds, started a journal (that is very colorful and full of random odds and in’s that I have found), and I have noticed an obvious change in my skin, especially my face, which has cleared up and softened.

Live in the moment. I am a dreamer, a big dreamer. Over the years I have found that for one reason or another I lost the concept of paying attention. So this resolution is about staying present and truly listening to others. It happens to everyone, your friend is telling you about some event she just encountered and she mentions that she had just dropped off the laundry at the mat on her way to X location and she continues, but your mind stops there because suddenly you remember you needed to drop off your laundry from two days ago and if you don’t do it now…and you are now off in your own world imagining the millions of possibilities. This is me all the time. My mind waunders aimlessly half in daydream mode at all times! Thats bad! I don’t even pay attention in the shower! I used to have a life coach, she was great! She told me to start in the shower; feel the water, smell the soap, feel your fingertips in your hair, etc. Don’t think about anything outside of the present. I am focusing more on the present when it matters though. When I am with others if I allow my mind to waunder without realizing it, I am forcing myself to take the embarrassement and appologize, tell them my mind waundered, I missed what was said, and please repeat. It’s working so far…any suggestions?

And last but not least…Don’t worry be happy. I want to constantly express love and happiness. To jump for joy when I feel like jumping and to throw my arms up and spin when the wind calls me to. I want to be a spreader of light always…

A Fool's Promise

It's always nice to make a fool out of yourself every once in a while. It makes you realize that you are constantly deceiving yourself. A good friend of mine and Frater of AMORC, Dr. Lonnie Edwards said something this past weekend that I really needed to hear, and that has been on my mind since. He said, "never ever rest on your goodness, always strive to be better!" I think too often we pretend things are fine, and we convince ourselves that we are in a state of good. I feel I have reached a milestone in my behavior, etc.; I have overcome whatever obstacles, and I think I can be proud of myself, and then... I spill ice cream all over my pants and realize I still have room to improve.

It's also nice to laugh at yourself every once in a while! Just think about it! How often do you guzzle up a hearty and heavy laugh with yourself? Why shouldn't we smile and love and take delight in our innocent foolishness? I should be the first person to make myself happy! I was watching that movie, the Women last night and Bette Midler says something along the lines of "be selfish!...forget everybody else's wants and needs and figure out what you want!" So Meg Ryan goes off and starts trying to figure out what she wants and ends up being this great designer in the end. (I love that movie!!!) So what do I want? A girl-friend of mine made a great remark the other day. She said, "I always made it a point to keep my promises and I thought I was doing such a great job at it, until one day someone pointed out that I never kept my promises to myself!" This was another awakening statement. I started thinking about all the little promises I constantly break to myself, such as "I will ride my bike tomorrow morning" or "I will finish that painting tonight!" Then I thought about the big promises!

I will go to Grad School
I will move on and out
I will Start my own Company
I will finish my sculpture by the end of this year
I will finish my website by the end of this month
I will figure out what I want

The list goes on and on. I am avoiding making myself happy. Why do we do that? One of my best guy friends keeps throwing little subtleties at me about this. He gets frustrated when I complain about the things that I can "easily" change. The problem is it's somehow not so easy. Or we convince ourselves that it's not, so much that what could potentially be a small obstacle turns into a giant mountain of a wall to climb. So I have decided to keep one promise to myself on my upcoming trip. I am going to write down as many promises I have broken to myself as I can and reevaluate them. Then I am going to start a list of things that I want. Where do I want to be in 5 years. What do I want to accomplish. What do I want to say to that certain someone. That's my promise. Hopefully it will get me going!!! Wish me luck!